Bipolar & Creativity

What is bipolar disorder?

Bipolar disorder is a severe mental health condition that mainly affects your mood. It presents in different ways:

Manic or Hypomanic episodes: feeling very ‘high’
Depressive episodes: feeling very ‘low’
Balanced moods: feeling okay
Psychotic episodes: experiencing sights/sounds/delusions/etc that others do not

As a spectrum disorder, there are different types of bipolar: Bipolar I, Bipolar II and Cyclothymia. Some people also describe Rapid Cycling as another type. I have bipolar II, which means my depressive episodes are worse and more frequent than my manic episodes, which are not as severe as someone with bipolar I. My depressive episodes can last from a week to several months. My manic episodes usually last one – two weeks. I also experience balanced moods for weeks to months at a time.

1.3 million people in the UK have bipolar disorder. It is more than twice as common as autism, dementia and epilepsy. It takes an average of 9.5 years to get a diagnosis. It increases an individual’s risk of suicide by 20 times.

Mania and Creativity

Personally, I think the link between mania and creativity is somewhat romanticised. As is mental illness in general. In manic episodes, I feel the need to be doing something at all times and I feel a heightened sense of creativity. I don’t know the science behind why this happens in the brain but I think this is caused by a few things in my experience: a heightened sense of self; feeling overly confident; racing thoughts, and feeling overly optimistic.

These feelings can be very pleasant in the moment. But mania comes with scary symptoms as well: intrusive thoughts, psychosis and irritability are things I struggle with. I feel very restless and if I don’t occupy myself get very uncomfortable. I may lash out at people, act irrationally or irresponsibly. My manic episodes often involve more of an interest in drugs and alcohol. All these things don’t really make for good work. Creative ideas are great but sometimes a manic episode will make it very difficult to actually see something through or do the nitty gritty work involved in realising a project. I often start lots of projects without much thought and they don’t get fully realised. After every manic episode, I will crash into a depressive episode.

Depression and Creativity

Again a romanticised topic. Depth of emotion can be a great well for creativity: I have written many works when depressed because I personally find it to be a productive creative outlet. Why do you think there are so many break-up songs out there?

I also am more likely to be able to sit without interruption when I’m depressed than when I’m manic. However, depression comes with distractions: suicidal thoughts, fatigue, lack of concentration, lack of motivation, etc, making it difficult to see things through. I also experience psychosis during depressive episodes. I have begun using this in my work, mostly to try articulate my experiences to the wider public and to tackle them in some way and make them less of an obstacle.

Psychosis and Creativity

I wrote this piece for International Contemporary Ensemble, Hardcore Prelude, the lyrics are lifted from the voice I hear when I am having a psychotic episode. But, importantly, I did not write this piece when I was psychotic. I find it basically impossible to be creative when having an episode. I will make notes of what happened after it has passed, as long as I can remember. This began as a therapy exercise – because therapists and doctors always asked me what the voice said and I could never remember – and then I started turning it into music.

I also experience abstract ‘noisy’ auditory hallucinations: these vary from the sounds and physical sensations of trains and insects to white noise and pulsing beats. They are generally less disturbing to me than the voice I hear. I have also used them in pieces, I created a text-graphic score for Kathryn Williams to play as part of a duo with Sonia Allori: This is happening. The score displayed and described sounds and sensations I feel and hear during an episode, Kathryn interpreted these amazingly on the flute. Her part was then creative captioned and responded to by Sonia on EWI.

How can I help?

I get asked this quite a lot, which is great.

I recommend these guides for friends and family: Bipolar UK Family & Friends Leaflet & Mind UK Supporting Someone with Bipolar Disorder.

It’s better to ask than to try when you don’t know what you’re doing. I make safety and recovery plans for both manic and depressive episodes and have a list of people to reach out to. When I’m manic this may be to check in with me to make sure I’m not being too reckless, and when I’m depressed this may be to help motivate me to continue with life. I make these plans when I’m feeling okay and with the help of a therapist.

A kind of conclusion

Creativity can really help with bipolar. When I’m depressed it gives me purpose, a little confidence and a therapeutic outlet, which is really invaluable. When I’m manic, channeling this energy into something constructive rather than destructive is preferable. It’s something you can share with other people, something that can communicate how you are feeling. But creativity and bipolar are conflated in an unhealthy way by the media sometimes and it’s important to acknowledge how working artists with the condition will need reasonable adjustments and support in order to ensure they can work effectively.

None of this is definitive and is my perspective only. I’m yet to make a piece about mania, so maybe that’s next 👀

If you read this far, thank you.